Well here I am posting again because I have all this nervous energy.
You see, today my husband had a second interview as a design engineer for a company out by our property. This is overwhelmingly great for a few reasons:
1. we weren’t expecting his first job out of school to be up there.
2. he would make quite a bit more money than anticipated for a cad drafter, nearly doubling my current income.
3. The money he would potentially make plus the decrease in cost of living in the area would mean we could realistically put significant amounts of money aside and build a home without a mortgage. Yes, WITHOUT A MORTGAGE.
4. I could stay home. Yes, I COULD STAY HOME 🙂
It’s interesting, I’ve been working towards this goal of being able to stay home with my family for so many years and it’s as if the reality is potentially going to finally happen! Part of me is waiting for a shoe to drop, and for someone to jump out and say “AHHHH You thought it would be this easy, but you are going to have to work for another three years to get to stay home!!!”
I guess it’s almost being afraid of success. But I am also feeling very excited at the same time. Excited at the idea of not dealing with the junk I deal with at work. Excited at the thought of being able to homeschool my kids and make macaroni necklaces with them. Excited at the thought of being able to have another baby someday and NOT have to take them to daycare, to be able to breastfeed them without losing my supply from pumping, and to be able to use my stash of cloth diapers. Thrilled at the idea of being able to teach my daughters how to grow things and why worms are one of the most incredible creatures that God created. I am ecstatic at the potential to me able to have a pleasant and happy home with a hot meal waiting for my husband when he comes home from work, and actually to have time every once in a while to fold and put away laundry after it’s been washed instead of just leaving it in a pile in the basement to pick through once a day for everyone’s clothes.
This may seem like simple things to you, but for someone like me who thrives in the stay-home environment to have to go out and earn a living to support the family it is a tough thing. Some people are the type that would get bored being at home… I am the type who gets bored and burned out being at work because I wish I was at home doing things I consider productive. With that said, I am forever blessed to have a husband who has worked very hard in school (even made the dean’s list!) and is now working hard on finishing school up and also looking for work. It is as important to him as it is to me that I am able to stay home, and in that small little thing I have a great asset – a partner in life that has the same goal as I do in many different ways. That’s a lot more uncommon than you might think.
And really, the only fears I have are the fears that all this will somehow be taken away from me. That for some reason, somehow, I will be doomed to never be able to fulfill that basic need that is for me to raise my children as a stay home mom. it seems like a simple thing, but when you have spent so much time going past so many obstacles it almost seems like it would be natural for things to “not work out.”
but really, if I had to just work forever, I would probably become clinically depressed. So I don’t even want to think about it. Maybe I just need to refocus and remember that SOMEDAY it will happen and I need to just keep walking along because if you keep walking, you will get there, right?